1. Get Drunk. Call her friends. Let nature take over.
2. Tell her you are a woman in a man’s body, and definitely not gay.
3. Inform her that according to Megan’s Law...
4. Set her up on a blind date.
5. Leave a sticky note. Call two days later to make sure she's okay.
6. Rub glitter on your shirt, announce the nearby strip club is full of skanks.
7. Take a dump on her floor.
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