Ways to Break Up

1. Get Drunk. Call her friends. Let nature take over.

2. Tell her you are a woman in a man’s body, and definitely not gay.

3. Inform her that according to Megan’s Law...

4. Set her up on a blind date.

5. Leave a sticky note. Call two days later to make sure she's okay.

6. Rub glitter on your shirt, announce the nearby strip club is full of skanks.

7. Take a dump on her floor.