My first introduction to you was on the Colbert Report, that beacon of Republican sensibilities. I was impressed that you admitted to having a rock hard body, as to assuage the curiosity of young virginal Conservative females of the world. I want you to know that I fully support your stance on having a loaded weapon, and would not mind experiencing it.
Sir, I will be 25 in June, and very proactive in my own community. I entertain the poor success-challenged twenty-somethings online and take great pride in this accomplishment.
Your youth and enthusiasm has inspired me so much that upon procuring your whereabouts, I shall take great interest and meticulous notes on your inspiring actions. I am understated and demure in this self-appointed task, as you might expect a future partner to be. I understand you haven't had time to answer my other letters - I completely sympathize - and I hope this one reaches you in good health. I would like to point out that I know you didn't lie about that six pack. Oh yes, I know.
Adoring Republican Virgin
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