If You Get Arrested

1. Confess you’ve never had handcuffs on, but you find it strangely erotic.

2. Slip out of your handcuffs, ask the cop if he can put them on slower this time.

3. Maybe tell you you've been a naughty girl while doing so.

4. Ask if spanking considered police brutality?

5. Inquire if they allow jewelry in the force, such as...wedding rings.

6. Not married, are you? Are you gay?

7. I was just asking! God, how far do they shove that mic in your ear?

8. Ask the booking policeman if they can email you your arrest picture.

9. Mention to the man taking your fingerprints that scuba gear really doesn't leave fibers at a crime screen.

10. Ask your cell mate what they're in for.

11. Tell them you shanked a bitch.

12. Wink at the gangbangers in the cells on the other side.

13. Text while you're waiting for them to finish up the paperwork.

14. Giggle.